


What didn't happen

by SugarFluff



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Boys Kissing, Dubious Consent, Episode: s09e23 Do You Believe in Miracles?, M/M, Spoilers for Episode: s09e23, alternative version of scene, remake of scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 02:29:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1671398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugarFluff/pseuds/SugarFluff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel arrives at Dean's death scene in 9.23</p>
            </blockquote>





	What didn't happen

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first finished fanfiction scribble, it's unbeta'd, English is not my first language. So, if there are any errors/things I could have written differently I would be very pleased if you would tell me. I have by no means a perfect English, so yes, any typos are welcome to be pointed out.
> 
> I hope you like it, and thank you for reading!

”DEAN!” Cas’ husky voice shouts trough the open room– cries might be a better word - with a mix of anger and worry in his tone. “DEAN!” The not-quite angel runs towards Dean and Sam, the brothers leaning against the – whatever, not important, for Dean not to fall over, because Dean is, though - important.  
He can’t be dead, he can’t be, he can’t be dead. Not Dean. People die all the time, hell, Dean seems to die all of the time but he can’t die now. Castiel will not let it be true. He knows he can’t heal him with his weak grace but-, but there must be something that he can do. Anything. He’ll do anything to save him.

Sam is holding Dean’s body up just then and Dean is saying something. Cas isn't able to hear what exactly comes out of the younger hunter’s mouth after that but he sounds broken and less than a second later Dean is falling into Sam’s arms. Cas’ vision is a little blurry and everything is spinning but he starts running towards the bothers – his borrowed grace being way too weak for him to be able to fly.

As soon as Cas reaches Dean’s body he cups the other man’s violated face in his hands, subconsciously pushing Sam aside to reach Dean. The fact that that Sam might just have lost his brother doesn't hit him at first. All the dark haired angel can really focus on is that Dean can’t die, he’s not allowed to. His eyes are still slightly open, even in the dim light Cas can make out a little bit of green through his lashes even if it’s only barely. Dean is still breathing but it’s a fine line between his current state and death. He has blood smeared across his face, still bleeding from his mouth and several other places across his ruff features. Cas wishes so badly that he could heal him with a simple touch like he once could.  
Dean, the man Castiel would do anything for, everything for, only a moment from dying – and this time Cas won’t be able to save him-. He looks at the bloody face in front of him for a second while chanting his name. He saved him from hell once, he died for him, gave up everything. Castiel fell for him and Metatron is right, they all are – he’s Cas’ weakness.  
The almost unconscious Dean gives him a faded smile and Cas can’t help but feel tears burning in his eyes.

“Dean?” He cries out, and without thinking too much about it he gives Dean a peck on his lips – a short lived kiss filled with desperation. “Dean,” as a few tears starts streaming down his cheeks he does it again. The taller man’s lips are still warm, he notices even if the kiss lasts only for a second. “Dean.” His voice is broken, shattered like a broken mirror, as he calls his best friend’s name in deep frustration and with a hopelessness and –possibly?- anger in his tone.  
“Dean?” he tries again and continues to press small pecks on the other man’s lips as if it would make him last longer. Or maybe that’s just it, maybe it’s because he knows somewhere deep inside that the Dean he knows and cherishes will not be much longer. Maybe it’s his last chance, and maybe he can’t stand the thought of never having known the taste of the older Winchester’s lips. He tastes like blood. 

“Dammit, Dean, please,” their faces are so close, Cas barely has to move at all to kiss him in between words “don’t die on me, Dean.” He whispers with a low, broken voice and does it again. “I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me.” 

That’s when he feels Dean’s body go limp. He starts shaking him slightly, not knowing what to do. He feels so powerless. Incoherent words are streaming out of his mouth because no, no, no, this is not real. This is not happening.

The tears are streaming down his face now, blue eyes desperately searching for any sign of life in Dean’s green ones. The angel has never shed tears before, and the human emotion is very overwhelming. The tears feels good, like they’re relieving some of the pressure against his skull, but he has this terrible pain in his chest, his heart. He feels so much.  
Anger, because he could have done something different. He could have found a way, and Dean wouldn't be *this right here*, he would have been /Dean/. He feels loss, sorrow, and this thing… in his heart, his chest. Love. Yes, love, that’s how love feels isn't it? It has always been this special feeling with Dean – his heart was racing but he had absolutely no reason to have adrenalin in his body. Sometimes, he just felt like laughing without anything being funny and this… twitchy feeling. Castiel likes those feelings, but now, now it just hurts. It hurts a lot, like a Dean-shaped hole in his chest. It’s love isn't it? The pain and the so called butterflies alike (although how exactly the humans expect butterflies to actually fly in their stomachs remains a mystery. There are intestines that would be very much in the way and the butterflies would not survive in there…).

And yet here he is, cupping that love in between his hands, that love’s blood coating his fingers and he’s losing that love this very moment.

He feels Sam’s gaze now, slowly realizing that he’s not the only one affected by this. He knew all along but he couldn't think clearly about it. It’s just not possible. Not this time, not today. He wasn't supposed to die today, Dean wasn't-. He cuts himself off when he feels Sam’s firm hand on his shoulder.

“Cas…” He whispers, like an apology but Castiel doesn't know why he would be apologizing. Cas was the one that intruded and stole Sam’s possibly last moment with his brother and how come he’s only just now realizing that?  
Sam looks like he’s not sure if he wants to scream or just fall down on the floor and start sobbing uncontrollably. Castiel wouldn't blame him for either.  
“I-“ Castiel begins. “I’m sorry, Sam.”

And yet this time it doesn't seem to matter, because every single “I’m sorry” in the world doesn't bring Sam’s brother back.

**Author's Note:**

> So, here we are on the other side. Thoughts are very welcome! 
> 
> *Blankets and tea provided for everyone*


End file.
